Aversion to Suffering

I’ve been meditating on the gospel of Luke the past few days, okay weeks. I’m only past chapter 7, so days sound better, but I’d rather be honest.  One of the things that stand out for me in these early passages is the description of Jesus going off to pray: Praying a lot; Praying all through the night before he chooses the 12 disciples. In Chapter 6, Luke then begins to list the disciples. The last one of course is Judas, the one who would betray him--reading that again made me pause. When I pray about ministry and God building it, i.e. bringing the right people/leaders, I never imagine that this might include someone or something which might test me, hurt me, even “destroy” me. I wonder at what point in his ministry Jesus knew that there was someone in his inner circle who would play such an instrumental role in his great suffering. All of this made me so aware of how often I pray and assume that everything is going to be just great if only God answers me well. I forget that following Jesus does and will include suffering: Suffering not for the sake of suffering, but b/c living for Jesus means risking and being vulnerable. Loving the way Jesus loved would HAVE to include this as a possibility. I take that back, not the possibility, but the probability. And yet I am so acutely aware in this moment of how much I surround my life with things, situations, relationships and people who make my way as safe as possible. No wonder I try to follow Jesus only to be dismayed or even shrivel up when things become too hard, too painful, too MUCH. I once heard a former South American activist say that we in the developed west surround ourselves with things and circumstance that give us the illusion that life doesn’t have to include suffering. She said that people in developing countries know better...it’s why they aren’t destroyed when great sufferings come, but also know how to just enjoy and celebrate like crazy when things are good (she was much more eloquent than that)...I’m sure nothing can quite fully prepare us for what we might face as we continue to live out our faith, but knowing that Jesus walked it before us gives me some peace.